I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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