its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
