A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
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