I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Vodka?
Forever.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
