Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
