I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
