shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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