I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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