they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
