I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
