i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
