is your mom at the bar?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
