I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
