There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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