No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
