I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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