I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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