...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
