We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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