I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
