Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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