I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Barsexuality is the new black.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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