I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
