my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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