i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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