There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I am naked and annoyed.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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