I cannot find my penis.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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