I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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