I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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