someone get that fucking seahorse.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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