Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
