well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
