i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
