You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
