umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
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