i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My underwear smells like fireworks.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
