I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
