I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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