It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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