i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
