in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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