you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
