Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This is the high leading the old right now
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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