girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
