I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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