so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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