just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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