I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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