happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
