Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
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