It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
