Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
