I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
