i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
