so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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