Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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