i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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