My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
