Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
