your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
