4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
