Where is the hickey?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
