Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
