at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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