I am spending my child support on dildos
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
