You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
